Hahaha Conviction is the worst ever

[Spark Mandriller]

So it was on Steam sale or something and a guy I know gifted it to me because he wanted to coop with me. So y'know I start playing because hey it'd be rude not to.
So hey there's a guy there I'll shoot him 'cause that's what you do. I'm aiming near him, I'll go into zoom mode and then shoot him in the face.
I go into zoom mode.
My crosshair moves over to his head.
Wait what? Let me test that again.
Point away from the dude, take hand off mouse, press zoom key.
The crosshair moves back over his head.

NICE AUTOAIM UBISOFT


I can't even fucking turn it off, hahahahaha.

[Spark Mandriller]

Update: wait no it's that laser sight upgrade I bought because I'm like LASERS ARE COOL and just assumed the aim assistance thing in the description was because the copy pasted from the 360 version.



HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS LASER SIGHT.

[Farley4Fan]

BRAIN GOLEM You don't even get it dude it's there to make you feel like Sam Fisher.  You don't have time to aim, you should just be cappin dudes, jumpin out windows, and bangin the new ugly grim.

Basically, the game is made for people who feel inadequate and don't want to be challenged.

[Spark Mandriller]

Too late, I already deleted my saves so I could relock that shit. I'm not Sam Fisher anyway, I'm a strong Russian warrior, I don't need special tools to crush everyone. GOODBYE, CRIMINAL DOG.


This game isn't so shit if you're just looking for mindless fun for a while. Just you and a dude running through a level pulling off those cool looking melee takedowns, it's not terrible. It's like Rainbow Six Vegas, you just shoot everyone and forget about the older games in the series and fuck about.
I mean I'd probably think it was the worst thing ever if I'd actually paid money for it, but on its own for free it's not that bad.

[Spark Mandriller]

do you think sam fisher's house has like DO LAUNDRY or CHECK EMAIL written on the walls?

[VaNilla]

This thread makes me facepalm ::)

[DreadStunLock]

do you think sam fisher's house has like DO LAUNDRY or CHECK EMAIL written on the walls?

Do you think Third Echelon receptionists are blind when they don't see "Blow up C4's" on the walls either?

[Farley4Fan]

I don't think phones ring in this world.

[Spark Mandriller]

This thread makes me facepalm ::)

oh yeah because you came into one of my threads expecting something good did you

[VaNilla]

I guess not :P

[DreadStunLock]

This thread makes me facepalm ::)

oh yeah because you came into one of my threads expecting something good did you

I did, and I got it, the best Splinter Cell ever made!

[Spark Mandriller]

It's certainly the funniest Splinter Cell. The other games are just games, Conviction's hilarious. Sam being SUPER GRITTY HARDCORE is hilarious. Max Payne flashbacks with the worst dialogue ever are hilarious (if you stay in the dark, you could see monsters, and then drop decorations in your room on them! (ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO TO THESE GUARDS PLAYER???)). Cutscenes just freezing because I'm not paying attention and they're waiting for me to press a button to initiate TOTALLY AWESOME SHOOT FIVE DUDES AT ONCE MODE are hilarious. Kicking people through windows and then they fall in extreme slow motion is hilarious. Sam passing out instantly after getting hit by a tranquilizer dart shot out of a supressed pistol is hilarious (hey ubi, how about making it a sticky shocker or an airfoil round instead? you know, it could be you know a reference to the older games. oh. you don't like the older games anymore. okay, that's cool, no that's cool.).  Messages like ANSWER PHONE or ANGER on the walls are hilarious. Captain Evil being so evil that he kills people in a cutscene just to show how evil he is is hilarious. A giant monitor saying TOUCH SCREEN TO BEGIN so you use it and Sam uses a keyboard is hilarious. Magic cameras which can pick up sound from miles away but only if you point them right at the evil plotters are hilarious. Citizen Fisher freakout smashing a room is hilarious (sorry i take that back this isn't citizen kane this is the room).

The character design isn't hilarious though. It's just shit. Who thought these night vision monocles were a good idea, seriously? Those are just fucking shocking.